Whining

I CAN NOT STAND IT. Now, evidently what Zach does these days is not the standard definition of whining. True whining doesn’t start until two when their verbal skills are more advanced. So, I don’t technically know what to call what Zach does these days but it drives me crazy. Granted- it is mainly just when he is sick, hungry, or tired. And as he is getting better with his words and signals it is definitely getting better. Last week, while he was struggling with not feeling well due to allergies AND being sleepy (but, yet refusing to nap), I had to leave the room at one point because it was so irritating to me (I’m not heartless people- my husband was there for him).

I am just trying to reinforce his use of words and signals… over and over and over again. Maybe it will be over soon. Most of the time I LOVE this age… it’s just that 5% of the time that is making me grind my teeth.

In my research into whining, I ran across these tips for dealing with whining (more for older children but I though they were good points) at this website: http://www.drkutner.com/parenting/articles/whining.html

Here are some other ideas that can help:

• Remember that it’s almost always fruitless to ask a cranky toddler or preschooler to justify her feelings or to explain what’s bothering her. Whining is a primitive behavior. It shows that the child isn’t functioning up to par or is feeling overwhelmed. If you simply ask, "What’s wrong?" you probably won’t get much of an answer because children this age have trouble putting those emotions into their own words. Instead, try giving your child choices based on what you think may be going on. "Are you tired?" "Are you angry at your friend?" That will both make it easier for your child to identify her emotions and give you the information you want.
• Set up some ground rules for whining. It’s best to do this while your child isn’t upset. If there are two parents in your household, you should talk to your child about this together so that it’s clear you’re presenting a united front on this issue. Explain that you will never give your child what she wants if she whines, but if she asks politely, you’ll consider it.
• Teach your children alternatives to whining. All too often we simply tell children, "Stop whining!" Unfortunately, they may not know what else they can do. Even though it’s obvious to us, we need to teach children which behaviors are more appropriate, such as asking for something politely. Let them hear the words and tone of voice you want from them.
• If you feel your child’s simply overwhelmed, don’t get angry. That will make your child feel even worse. Instead, consider making a game of joining in on the whining. Ask her if you can put your arm around her and whine a bit as well. The two of you can alternate complaining about how terrible your respective days have been.
  
  Although this sounds silly, it can have a wonderful effect. By joining in on the whining without mocking your child, you’re letting her know that although her feelings are legitimate, her style of expressing them is inappropriate. Besides, after a couple of minutes of doing this together, you’ll probably both be giggling, your child will feel better, and the whining will stop.